Saturday, August 9, 2008
Shocked and emo.
just went reading other people's blog and theres one that relli shooked me up. There he wrote "Maybe I'm just a good for nothing, a good-for-nothing son, a good-for-nothing brother, a good-for-nothing friend, a good-for-nothing acquaintance"
When i read this, i kept asking myself, just kept on asking continuously. M i sth lyk that? Countless times i disappoint my family with my horrendous grades since the start of primary one, there were even times i made my mum went to panic mode, just like wad she is now. To my friends, i wonder if i m relli a good soulmate, will ppl look up to me as some role models? or m i just some 'lost' idoit who doesnt know where i shld be at all. Life is so unpredictable. Some things i tried to control within my abilities, some i just let flow on their own. Some i tried hard not to take it to heart, and some i just cant handle them. But shit happens, they just dun go as we want them to. Don't you agree? I have been pondering, wad do i live on this damned world for? And why? What's the purpose of it? If there's no purpose, why should i be in here at the first place? Why ME? Seriously, i dun understand... Theres also a question i have been asking myself. Why don't i just die? Life's still not gonna be worse without me. OR even better. I may just be some wastage of resources if i live on. Things still have to get going. Maybe life's gonna be even more meaningful without me. I dunno, i reli dunno. Am i gonna be someone useful and contribute lots to the society 10 or 20 years down the road. Or m i gonna be some wastrel? I know, to become either one of them, it all depends on me, my own effort. But m i relli able to do it? Can i succeed? Can i make the ones i loved and the ones who loved me proud? I relli hoped i can do that, but is that gonna happen? I m relli sick of it. How i wished i could just jump down a hole, the hole that never ever gonna make me return. I simply cant. Certain things i just can't bear to let go of. I m just screwed....
Ks, =_=
save the cheerleader save the world @ 11:25 AM
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